Twilight Trees II:i am not my own

it will take a miracle, a miracle beyond all. to the form or shape of what, i'm not so sure. to complete enough work for the upcoming clothesline show. in the mean time i have finally finished the second installment in a twilight trees series, which may have started here...or here. maybe i'm misgiven, it's less of a series and more like a forest i think and write about when describing all of the trees i have been painting. lately i have forgotten all about the grove of trees i have hanging at fitness together and can't imagine what they might all look like hanging out together. i suppose that if i'm unable to accomplish my goal of four more new pieces, i could show flea market:beehive tree and the freezing trees, but they're not so new, but they've not ever really been seen in a show/exhibit forum. one last thing, i'd like to have cards made of my paper quilt series. it's seriously all going to stretch me, mentally, physically, and probably financially, and artistically yes, but it is growth after all. yikes!

in the eye of my small little storm. i'm realizing how little i am my own at this point. it's how the tide has turned and i am more of my art than my art is apart of me. it is living and breathing, sleeping and eating my art. it's about being emotionally tied up, bound to sleepless nights of planning and rehearsing the hours and days to come. and i need to be thinking about my health too? goodness. i believe it will all be alright. it will all come together in the end. until then i'll keep you afoot of the details. and please think of coming out to our show in september. it has been a thrill to see how all of the lose ends are coming together and i'd be so happy to see each of you there. thanks a mil:)

.who.is.missing.

of course i think the little man who's missing from the photograph, taken on july fourth, is my new little nephew, caleb and of course he continues to be on my mind all of time. when i'm not thinking about my brother and sister in kazakhstan, i have been of course keeping myself extremely busy.
i happened to get the little vanilla cupcakes from rembrandt's and yes i did get to eat one. and it was delicious.

that's it for today.

off the charts

for a year and a half my brother and his wife have been working tirelessly toward adopting a little boy from kazakhstan. you may remember my mention and having to keep many of the details top secret. until of course this past sunday when they finally flew out of atlanta to kokshetau via amsterdam and almaty. these last few days have been overwhelming and exciting not only for ethan and mary but for me and my entire family, and the host of friends we all have. before leaving, mary and i discussed the details of communication and fortunately the possibilities of blogging. basically, i have been over here. kaz is almost twelve hours ahead of me, here in the eastern time zone, so as i am getting to work in the morning, ethan and mary are writing:emailing me a blog post that i can then share with the rest of the community of family and friends here.

i would not have it any other way. this ability to correspond and share with all of you is full of love and i keep thinking of grace and humility. it keeps my brother and mary and i close to all of us. and for the first time in our lives we're laying eyes on this little boy, their son, their passion.

so i maybe just a little bit absent from phantomcrimes. of course i will attempt to update on complete artworks, answering emails, and all sorts of other things. thank you so much for all of your love and understanding.

we three:cupcakes

.up.to.no.good.

two a.m. rolled around and you'd think i would have had enough sense to lay the paint and brushes down. i just couldn't help myself. knowing and feeling the mad dash crunch is all it takes. the late nights haven't seen the last of me. unfortunately i have only a few more last touches to put on my spacetree painting, but i'm stonecold out of motivation for the finishline. it was dragging me down so i decided over the weekend to pick up a new canvas and after some foundational sketching i started a new perspective:rendition on the twilight trees. it's my remixed version. *with the spacetree painting i intended all along to recycle a previous painting. i meant to leave the seagulls and the majority of bluesky, but i continue to struggle. i have the smaller circles in the trees to paint. i'm leaning between an orange red or a lighter green. i also am leaning toward applying a tad more paper to the piece, but i'm uncertain about it all and know i probably won't be showing the spacetree piece in the upcoming clothesline show. i'd rather have it hanging at fitness together with the rest of my growing forest.

twilight will make an unseemly sorching hot or frigidly freezing day feel redemptively magical. at the close, a comforting quiet and coming together of all that the day held in ups and downs. twilight illustrates a time when starlings fly in unison above my city and collect themselves simultaneously on highwires. a small moment of deepening bluesky and some slight breeze, i can breath. i'm not saying i can even come close to painting what i invision twilight to be. my trees aren't really the trees i see on a daily basis, but they warm me, or at least my heart. i still struggle inbetween twilights fantasy and it's alterego, reality. the reality of it all is that i hope above all that something inside of me comes out on the canvas and warms other people's hearts. i know my style is off and cursive in nature, i know my lines are crooked, but they are purpose driven as all of twilight reaches out for darkness and the silence of night.

sometimes i feel like i beg for attention, i struggle with phantomcrimes and hide what i really want and that is recognition. foolish and corrupt as it may seem it is true that i wish to be discovered and that i want my art to find it's way into the minds, homes, and thoughts of little children who want someday to make art. i would love to see my art in beautiful/decay or juxtapoz or my local but now chicago based mule. and inbetween these thoughts i am struck, as if with a fly swatter, that there is a beautiful community of women artists here in my city, my friends, who have lifted my spirits and pushed me further. and i am reminded of how they are my audience, a small part of a larger community, but still. and thankfulness for this "clothesline" community is really all that i need. afterall if i had any more than what i've got i'd have to quit my jobs and begin to live in an art world. a world of many too many 2 a.m. nights of artmaking. alas, it isn't that time yet in my life. if that time came i'd be just as scared, so i'm left in peace about what my responsibilty truly is, it's to share and hopefully gain some perspective with phantomcrimes, here. i'm off to up to no good:)